The Art of De-Escalation: When NOT to Use Your Gun

In this vital episode of A Pirate Talks Guns, host John Cello dives into a critical, often overlooked topic for gun owners—de-escalation tactics. Before drawing your weapon, it's crucial to master the art of staying calm, reading the situation, and defusing conflicts before they spiral out of control. John shares actionable tips on situational awareness, verbal judo, and controlling body language to prevent dangerous situations. Learn why the best gunfight is the one that never happens and how tactical de-escalation can keep you safe, protect your family, and avoid unnecessary legal trouble. Whether you're new to personal defense or a seasoned gun owner, this episode will arm you with the knowledge to navigate high-stress scenarios without ever pulling the trigger.

Listen now to this must-hear episode on de-escalation and enhance your self-defense toolkit with practical, real-world strategies.

Ladies Only Basic Handgun Clinic: https://www.shootingclasses.com/the-tactical-pirate/course/?courseId=574

Basic Carbine: https://www.shootingclasses.com/the-tactical-pirate/course/?courseId=1131

Transcript

Welcome aboard for another episode of A Pirate Talks Guns, where we cut through the noise and get straight to practical, no-nonsense advice for gun owners who take their safety—and the safety of others—seriously. As always, I’m here to arm you with the skills and knowledge you need to defend yourself and those you care about.

Now, today’s episode is a big one—one that’s often overlooked in gun circles but is absolutely vital: de-escalation tactics. That’s right, folks—before we ever even think about drawing that weapon, we need to understand the power of staying calm, reading situations, and defusing conflicts before they spiral out of control.

So, grab your gear and settle in—we're about to dive deep into de-escalation. And trust me, this isn’t just about being ‘nice’ or ‘turning the other cheek’—this is about staying in control of every situation you might face.

Let’s get to it."

[INTRO]

Hey you scallywag, welcome to our A Pirate Talks Guns podcast, gun talk for the bold and unapologetic. I'm your host John Cello, the owner and lead instructor at The Tactical Pirate, a professional firearms training firm located in Anderson, South Carolina. I've been teaching people just like you to use firearms for  four decades. I'm a former civilian law enforcement officer, and retired from the Army Military Police corps. We talk about all things guns here, from defense, hunting, and competition. Regardless of your skill level, you'll find something here for you. I'm glad you dropped by. Now sit back, relax, grab your favorite beverage if you're able, and enjoy the show.

De-escalation. It’s the first weapon you should reach for when there is no clear and present danger and you want to keep it that way. If you take a defensive anything class with me, you’re going to get hammered with situational awareness and de-escalation procedures way before I get to teaching you how to fight with your gun.No sane individual wants to get in a gunfight. Anyone with common sense realizes that, regardless of the outcome, it’s a losing proposition for a number of reasons. Avoidance of danger is always preferable to an armed encounter. So listen to what I have to tell you. It may save your life some day.

Understanding De-Escalation—It’s Tactical, Not Passive

First off, let’s get something straight. Some folks hear the word ‘de-escalation’ and immediately think it means backing down or giving up. But let me tell you, de-escalation is tactical. It’s about staying in control of the situation—mentally, emotionally, and if it comes down to it, physically. A definition of tactical is (of a person or their actions) showing adroit planning; aiming at an end beyond the immediate action. So tactical doesn’t mean decked out in gear with a fancy carbine loaded down with mostly ineffective accessories. 

Now, as gun owners, we carry for self-defense. But here’s a truth bomb: the best gunfight is the one that never happens. Matter of fact, write this down; “the only way to guarantee you won’t be injured or killed in a gunfight is to not get in one.” That doesn’t make you weak, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean you’re afraid. It means you’re smart. You’re strategic. You’ve got a family to protect, and the last thing you need is a situation escalating to the point where a firearm is involved.

So, what does de-escalation look like in the real world? It can be as simple as using calm, clear words or understanding body language. We’re going to break all that down today, but the key takeaway here is this: De-escalation is control.

Now that’s what we’re talking about today: control."

Key Principles of De-Escalation for Gun Owners

Now, let’s get into some actionable takeaways. De-escalation is all about reading the situation and responding in a way that brings the temperature down instead of turning up the heat. So, here are some tactical de-escalation principles every gun owner needs to know:

You have to have Situational Awareness

In my defensive weapon classes, I push this pretty hard. The term "situational awareness" was first used by the U.S. Air Force after the Korean War to describe the understanding a fighter pilot needs in an aerial dogfight. The concept is often described using the "observe-orient-decide-act loop" (OODA loop) or the Boyd cycle. So what is situational awareness? Situational awareness (SA) is the ability to understand what is happening around you, and to use that understanding to make informed decisions. It involves: 

• Gathering information: Collecting relevant information about your surroundings 
• Analyzing information: Processing the information you've gathered 
• Making projections: Predicting what might happen based on your analysis 
• Responding: Taking action to address any potential risks or hazards

In other words, when you’re outside your home, instead of having your face and attention buried in your phone you’re paying attention to the world around you. You’re making plans to put into effect if things start going sideways. “If he does A, I’ll do B.”

You’ll also need Emotional Awareness 

You’ve got to manage your own emotions. If someone’s getting in your face or threatening you, adrenaline’s going to kick in. Your heart’s going to race, your hands might even shake a little. That’s normal—but you’ve got to control that response. Take a deep breath. Slow your speech. Lower your voice. This gives the impression that you’re calm and in control, which can diffuse a lot of tension right away.

Learn and use Verbal Judo

Next up—use what is referred to as ‘verbal judo.’ This is the art of using calm, confident language to redirect someone’s aggression. Instead of saying, ‘You need to calm down,’ (anyone out there married?) which might escalate the situation, try something like, ‘Let’s take a step back for a second and talk this through.’ It’s less confrontational but still maintains your authority. This is a very important step in the de-escalation process. It’s especially important if you’re in public, with witnesses around. See, you want the people who may be called to testify in court to be able to say that you did everything you possibly could to calm things down and avoid a confrontation. And that starts with not saying things that could fuel the fire.

Body Language Matters

Now, let’s talk about non-verbal communication. A lot of conflicts are about perception, and how you carry yourself says a lot. Don’t ball up your fists or square your shoulders aggressively. Instead, ease into what law enforcement calls the interview stance.Blade yourself so your gun side is away from whoever you’re dealing with, keep your hands visible, and make sure your body language doesn’t signal a challenge. Also, be mindful of their body language. If you see them clenching their fists or breathing heavily, those are signs things might get physical, and you need to be ready for that.Something else to look for is what is called a “targeting glance”, in which they will glance at where they intend to strike you.

There are five pre-attack/pre-flight indicators you need to be aware of and watch for when you’re confronted by someone.

Blading – Slight, Prominent, Enhanced 

Slight Blade – One foot set back, shoulder on the same side and possibly some torso twisting towards that side as well.

Prominent Blade – Person is putting the shoulder towards the person they are speaking with. The prominent blader is perpendicular or near perpendicular to a possible target.

Enhanced Blade – Blading with one hand in the pocket, usually the pocket is located on the same side that is furthest away from a potential target. The other hand is outside of clothing and often moving around during speech.

Non-enhanced blading when coupled with a balled fist is greater cause for concern.

When a person is bladed towards you, you should be on guard for a possible attack and during the enhanced blade that attack could very likely occur with a weapon.

Shoulder dropping back rapidly

If someone’s shoulder drops back rapidly, they could be quickly reaching for their wallet or they could be reaching for the momentum to propel forward with a fist to your face. If you see this behavior and don’t put your hands up for a block or move away, there is a good chance you’ll be dining on a knuckle sandwich.

 Looking over the shoulder

Most law enforcement and security professionals are aware this behavior occurs when someone is looking to flee. If you are properly observing a person’s behavior you shouldn’t have any problem missing this cue, however, fleeing is not the only issue with this behavior. Assailants will sometimes look away prior to launching an attack on another person. This deceptive behavior can catch the victim off guard because a person who is not looking at you may not appear to be an imminent threat.

Charging Stance

A person facing towards you with their ventral front who lowers their body in a charging or running stance is very likely forecasting that they are coming for you. When you see this behavior prepare yourself to have to keep balanced.

Pants Lift

The lifting or pulling up of the pants happens when someone’s  about to run, and prior to fights. The preparation for battle that occurs when pants are lifted needs to be known by all people that are looking to stay safe in a dangerous world.

Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em, Know When to Walk Away, Know When To Run

Just like the song says, there’s no point in playing out a losing hand. This is a big one, folks. We’ve all got pride, but sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. This isn’t about being a coward—it’s about living to fight another day, so to speak. If you can remove yourself from a situation before it gets worse, do it. There’s no shame in walking away, especially if you’re with your family. Your goal is to keep them safe, not to win some argument with a stranger.

Distance is Your Friend

Lastly, create distance. If things are getting heated, start backing away—slowly, calmly. Distance gives you more time to react and puts space between you and the potential threat. It’s also a good time to start executing your exit strategy. Where’s the nearest door? Can you leave safely? Have you identified any threats around you?"

Real-World Scenarios and Practical Tips

"Alright, so we’ve covered some basic principles, but how do you apply them in real-world scenarios? Let’s walk through a couple of common situations where de-escalation can save the day.

Restaurant Dispute

Now, there are a tremendous number of morons roaming the earth. Some go looking for any excuse to cause trouble, and if they can’t find one, they’ll create one. I live not too far from Clemson University. Needless to say, there are a lot of people walking around with orange shirts with tiger paws on them. Let’s say for example that you’re a Clemson alumni in regalia, and you’re with your family at a restaurant. A complete stranger walks up to you and states “Clemson sucks.” Now, while obviously you can tell that his cheese slid off that cracker a long time ago, your response is going to drive the rest of this interaction. Your option to be honest and tell them they smell like a boxcar full of hobos that someone threw up in is always there, but it’s not going to take the encounter in the direction you want it to go. 

You want to take the wind out of his sails, not brew up a gale. Keep it simple. He wants to argue, so take away the reason for the argument. Just respond, “You’re right.” He won’t be expecting this, and will now have to find another road into the argument. Take this time to improve your tactical situation, and pleasantly agree with whatever he comes up with. He’s not looking to change your mind, he’s looking for an opening to continue the argument and possibly lead to violence.

Bar Dispute

You’re out at a bar, and a guy bumps into you, spilling your drink. He’s had a few too many and starts getting mouthy. Now, you’re carrying concealed, and this guy’s clearly looking for trouble. How do you handle it?

Here’s where you stay calm. Lower your voice, don’t match their intensity. Take a deep breath, say, ‘No harm, no foul,’ and offer to buy him a drink. You’re de-escalating, not by backing down, but by changing the tone of the interaction. If that doesn’t work and he keeps pushing, it’s time to walk away. Remember, no one wins a bar fight, especially when you’re armed. The goal is to get home safe, not to ‘win.’ But if you think about it, you win by not having your day disrupted, spending time in court, paying legal fees, and all the other unpleasantness that comes when something simple turns violent.

One thing I always recommend is rehearsing these scenarios in your head. What would you do if someone aggressively approached you in a parking lot? How would you react if a situation started escalating at a gas station? Mentally preparing yourself for these situations means you’re less likely to be caught off guard, and more likely to act with control."

Control is the Ultimate Weapon

Alright folks, we’ve covered a lot today—how to stay calm, use verbal judo, control your body language, and when to walk away. The bottom line is this: as gun owners, we have a responsibility to avoid conflict wherever possible. Control is our greatest weapon—whether that means controlling our emotions, our actions, or the environment around us.

So, before you ever think about reaching for your firearm, reach for these de-escalation tactics instead. Not only can they save you from legal trouble, but more importantly, they can save lives—including yours.

On our training calendar, we’ve got a day and a half Ladies Only Basic Handgun Clinic coming up Saturday the 26th and Sunday the 27th of October, and a Basic Carbine class Saturday, November 23rd. I’ll put links to them in the show notes.

Thanks for joining me today. Remember, you can always find more episodes of A Pirate Talks Guns wherever you get your podcasts, or you can listen in at our website. Consider telling your like-minded friends about us.  And hey, if you found today’s episode useful, drop me a review—it helps others find this info and keeps us all a little safer out there.

Until next time, keep calm, stay sharp, and shoot safe."